Happiness is a state of mind

I have read, heard that 'Happiness is a state of mind' since several years ......but always used to wonder is that really a case. One example that always used to come that would set doubts about this statement was...well what happens when anyone loses a loved one. Can they really choose to be not bothered by it and be happy? I mean it seemed ridiculous. But since the last few months the truth of this statement has finally dawned and its here to stay. Yes, there will be many situations in life where we may feel like we are battling a storm, we feel burdened with sorrow, grief, helplessness....we feel we have reached the end of the road and then when we hear someone say 'happiness is a state of mind' your reaction maybe to slap that person and asking him/ her to shut up. I realised I was looking at this statement with a one dimension view. I was assuming it meant to be happy at all times. But then, I realised that was not what it meant. What it meant was you could be currently very hurt, low, depressed but it is in your hands to come out of it and be happy! Yes, thats the choice which only you can make. No one else can make it on your behalf.

There is no debate that death of a loved one brings a lot of pain, hurt. There is no doubt on that whatsoever. However, how long do we want to remain hurt? How long you want to cry? how long you want to remain sad? One day, one month, one year or for a lifetime? That is the choice each of us make. This choice determines the quality of the life we lead. This extends to all situations in life. Especially being angry with someone. How long do you want to be angry? How can do you take to say sorry? How long does it take you to forgive and give another chance? Do you make a mountain of a molehill or a molehill of a mountain? We need to ask ourselves these questions. Life is very short to carry grudges, build hatred, plot for revenge. The only thing that seems worthy of our attention is 'being happy' and appreciate what we have. Talking of appreciation brings a small tale to my mind.....There was a lady who was employed in a good job, she goes to a posh restaurent to have lunch with her friends. The ambience is lovely, food smells good. She is sharing a good laugh with her friends. Waiter is doing his best to make these guests feel at ease. She notices a small stain on the table cloth. This pisses her off. She shouts to the waiter, gets the manager's attention and creates a big scene. All of the fun that seemed to be there a second ago has vanished! Does this sound or look familiar? So many times we have the world at our feet and a small, insignificant missing thing can make us forget all that we have and turn to our ugly side. It is easier to crib than appreciate the good of what we have. Maybe its time to change the focus.......

I have been doing this as a regular practice since the last few months. See the good in all things, people, situation. No matter how bad it is, I make sure I see the good in that. It may not change the situation immediately but it surely changes your mood. It makes you happy, positive and to solve anything in life that is a very key attribute to have!

It is all about choices always

I am writing a blog after a very long time. The last few months I have been busy knowing my self, who I am and what I can be. Though we spend years and years at school and college, we seldom learn the art of thinking right. I have been fortunate to have met some amazing people, read some mind blowing books and learnt or rather started the process of thinking right. I have learnt life is always about choices and this I am certain about. I laugh at myself now for all the times when I said 'well, I did not have a choice so I am here'. Even not choosing is a way of choosing. Confused? For example: You are in a job you hate, but you still go to office each day. What excuse do you give for working? You have a family to support, you have committments to meet to name a few common ones. But actually you had a choice...you had the choice to quit without giving a damn to what happens to your family/committments, you had a choice to give up and run away, you had a choice to stay on and suffer in the job. You chose the last option yourself, no one could have done anything if you had chosen either the first or second options! But its our nature to blame everyone and everything around when things do not go our way and to take credit when all is hunky dory. However, the good news is its never late to learn and change. The impact of taking responsibility for your actions/ decsions boosts your self confidence beyond your imagination. Today, I can say with a lot of pride for all the good decisions I have made and have absolute acceptance for all the not so good decsions as well. There is no more self blame, punishing myself, feeling guilty. There is only aceeptance - yes, It was a mistake. I have learnt x, y, z from it and I know I am never again going to do the same mistake. Life is not a rat race. No one is ever going to keep a list of the good or bad choices you made. The only thing that matters is did you learn from it or not? and it does not even matter if you learnt as soon as you did it or 10 years post that? The important thing is you learnt. I no longer wait for someone else to say 'hey, its ok...this happens to all of us'. Rather I say that to myself and funny thing is the comfort you feel when you console yourself is greater than a 100 people saying the same thing to you. I am now alert from the start of the day because I know that every minute life is presenting me with choices and I want to do the right thing most of the times. Simple thing like being nice to a stranger, helping a needy one on the road, giving a smile to a baby, giving way to someone in the lift, giving an extra tip to the waiter, buying coffee for your colleague, sharing a nice email with friends....the list is endless. In each of these situations we are making a choice. They are never random actions. There are no random actions. You always have a choice and best thing is you can change what you choose anytime. Its never too late! Like the wise turtle says in Kung fu Panda 'There are no coincidences.....'